If you’ve struggled with self-esteem and self-care, learning to love yourself doesn’t happen overnight. It’s even more complex if you’ve been through trauma and have been made to feel unworthy or unlovable. But I’m here to remind you that you are worthy of love and so very deserving of it.
Tips for Boosting Your Self Love from a Trauma Therapist
After helping so many survivors, I am thrilled to share my best #TheraTips for how to show yourself the love you deserve after surviving trauma.
Self-Love Tip #1: Stop Hiding Yourself from the World
People who have experienced trauma often find themselves avoiding. Avoiding people, avoiding attention, avoiding intimacy, avoiding feelings, or avoiding anything that could remind them at all about the trauma. I get it. Avoidance keeps you safe. Avoidance keeps you from the unknown. But avoidance also keeps you from living and fully embracing what the world has to offer you and what you can offer the world. I’ve worked with many trauma survivors who have hidden so much of themselves from others, that they also realize that in many ways, they have also been hiding from themselves. Have you gotten to know who you are after your trauma? If your trauma occurred when you were a child, how does your adult-self remember your inner child? How has that impacted how you see yourself as an adult today? I encourage you to think about letting yourself shine through, not just to other people, but to yourself as well.
Self-Love Tip #2: Don’t force yourself to find meaning or a silver lining in your trauma. But if you see it, don’t shy away from it!
Meaning is one of the values I highly prioritize in my counseling work with clients. Meaning is not something we can directly search for and obtain. It is an ongoing process we will struggle with throughout our entire lives. In my work with clients, I’ve found that lots of people are struggling with a lack of meaning or purpose in their lives, especially in these modern times. Going through a trauma impacts our lives in such a way that sometimes the meaning in our lives is even harder to recognize or can even be non-existent. Some trauma survivors struggle with enjoying activities that they used to love or have difficulty experiencing positive emotions like joy or happiness. However, it’s also common for people who have gone through trauma, to experience more meaning in their life is at least one way and see a silver lining. The most common things I’ve heard include developing an appreciation for the little things in life like a sunny day or a good meal, feeling more aligned with their spirituality, embracing their relationships with family and friends, and feeling more resilient and even proud of overcoming their trauma. I don’t encourage anyone to force themselves to find meaning in their trauma or to try to justify why it happened, but if you are experiencing some of these positive changes, I want you to embrace it.
Self-Love Tip #3: Accept Where You Are
Loving yourself after trauma involves accepting that some of your interactions out in the world are no longer going to be the same. You may not be eager to open yourself to others without getting to know them extremely well. You may not be the risk-taker you used to be. You may not want to interact with other people. There’s nothing wrong with that. After a child touches a hot stove and gets burned, I would assume and actually hope they’d be more skeptical to touch the stove again without knowing for sure that it’s off. It’s the same with you. Whether you’ve experienced sexual abuse in childhood, physical abuse as an adult, or emotional withdrawal from someone you loved and depended on, I would expect you to be at least a little more cautious in your personal relationships. I often remind my clients that allowing yourself to experience true love from friends and family is part of what makes life so worthwhile. But trauma recovery takes time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Other people may not understand you, but you do. You know why you’re protecting yourself. And I do too.
Self-Love Tip #4: Choose to Show Yourself Some Love
If you’ve been through trauma as a young child, you most likely grew up knowing what it was like to feel unloved. Being unloved not only includes the actual experience of abuse but neglect as well. After years of this, I get why you’ve learned to feel unworthy of love. Even if your trauma happened later on in life, you know what I’m talking about-- that feeling of not being good enough or not being worthy of love and attention. You actually may still be waiting for that love from a parent or partner that you never got. But that kind of love you’ve been yearning for probably isn’t going to ever come from them. YOU need to learn how to give yourself the love you have not received. Do you know why? Because you are worthy of love. So very worthy of love. People often ask me, “How do I love myself?” That’s such a big question and the answers may look different for each person.
One thing I usually say is that loving yourself is more than just the feeling of love but more like the act of love.
These are some of my favorite acts of self-love:
Participate in activities you enjoy (either alone or with someone else)
Spend time with the people that you love and that love you
Enjoy healthy foods but also indulge in a dessert that you love and enjoy every single bite!
Find your favorite positive mantras and quotes and live by them. My favorites are “This too shall pass.”, “Beautiful are those whose brokenness gives birth to transformation & wisdom.”, and “I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
Focus on what’s great about you. This can be harder for some people than others. If it is, start with the basics, “ I’m a really good listener” or “ I make my friends laugh a lot”.
Prioritize your physical and mental health. Go to the gym, yoga, kickboxing, whatever! Just get your body moving. And find a therapist- preferably one who specializes in trauma. Having a trusted and skilled professional guide you through your trauma recovery will make all the difference for you in your journey. Even if you think your trauma isn’t really affecting you, it’s worth going to a therapist, even if it’s just to confirm that everything is okay.
Need a Little More? Let me help you!
If you live in New York and are interested in getting started with a therapist who specializes in trauma, I’m located in the Scarsdale area of Westchester and would love to work with you! To learn more about me and all the counseling services that I offer, explore my therapy website and feel free to send me an email at mguerrero@mindmattersmhc.com.
Wishing you all so much love because YOU deserve it! ~Dr. G.
BEGINNING THERAPY IN SCARSDALE, NY
Taking time for your mental health is key to overall wellbeing, especially as a young adult or working professional. Let’s get you feeling good so you can keep doing amazing things for the world! To begin counseling in my Westchester counseling office, follow these simple steps:
Click the button below to schedule our first session.
Meet with me, Dr. Minerva Guerrero, a professional and experienced therapist.
Begin to feel more peace and less worry about your life!
I want to be sure you are comfortable with this process from start to finish. If you still have insurance and procedural questions after reading this website, I am happy to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation first.
MORE THERAPY SERVICES IN WESTCHESTER, NY
From my Scarsdale therapy practice, I want to help you feel more comfortable, confident and connected to others. This is why I also provide therapy for teens, therapy for adults, trauma therapy, therapy for anxiety, and specialized techniques such as EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy. If you want to explore these options further, let’s connect!
